Halloween Meltdown ’16: Yankee Candles’ “Buries Hilton”

Halloween is a time when we delight in shattering our own smug little assumptions about the world. Think you’re safe in that beautiful completely refurbed New England colonial with the scarecrow and the leaf garland and the smells of hot cider and pumpkin spice permanently embedded in its gorgeous red clapboard siding as if it were bestowed upon the earth by the Gods of Autumn themselves? Well Mike Myers and Jason Voorhees and, like, Boris Karloff are here and they freaking hate seasonal coffee flavorings, so watch out! Halloween!

In keeping with this theme of totally breaking your mind I offer you this deliciously, fabulously, impossibly American nod to our favorite season, “Buries Hilton.” Abandon all hope:

There is so much to unpack from this. Is it an incisive criticism of America’s tendency to glorify celebrity excess? She is a “rich ghoul” and her name is Buries. She has a (possibly dead) ornamental dog in one hand, an orange martini glass in the other, a spiderweb chemise under her Angelina Jolie leg-curtain dress, a WWE-worthy belt, and despite being a cartoonish skull-faced monster, she still actually kind of vaguely resembles Paris Hilton.

Is this a snarky commentary on superficial, consumerist American popular culture? Can it be that, coming from Yankee Candle, who will happily sell you an entire paycheck’s worth of Apple Spice tealights to use in it?

These are the wrong questions to ask because this is a punny rip on Paris Hilton in Halloween colors and you can put pumpkin spice candles in it and there’s no reason for any of you not to buy two of these, one for yourselves and one to give to anyone who doesn’t believe that such a thing exists.

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